Saturday, December 31, 2011

And a Happy New Year to you, and you, and you...

It's all on all our minds-- our goals and hopes and dreams and expectations for 2012.

I am thinking about it, too. But I'm not sure what mine are.

I have a couple of areas I want to focus on-- weight loss, spiritual connection, having more fun, and ....... not sure what else.

It is hard to wrap that into one word or phrase... other than LIVE.

My more specific health and weight related goals:

Get to 220. That's a pretty big weight loss for one year- 59 lbs. But that would be on average 1.13 lbs per week. So I think it is do-able. I'd love to do better but slow and steady is just fine for me.

Get a fill level that works for me. I had my first fill on Wednesday. The needle stung a bit (no numbing shot or anything but that was fine.. just startling) but it went fine. Afterwards I drank water and that went down okay. Eating since then has proved mostly boring-- but I have finally gotten really "stuck" and "slimed." I hadn't known exactly how uncomfortable that could be but I have since learned. Now, I feel like I was ready for the band when I got it but that doesn't mean that I'm always going to be making good food choices.. and so the band is reminding me. Boy, that sucked though. I guess no toast in the morning. It was whole wheat with fake butter. We definitely need to go grocery shopping. Anyhow, I am still not that restricted. I am able to eat more than I think I should be because I am still hungry. But I feel like next fill (Feb 1st) will get me a lot closer to where I want to be. My goal between now and then is to lose 10 lbs. I need to make sure I am eating enough-- how much do you folks eat - calorie wise? tells me 1500 or so a day. I was thinking around 1200. I need to get out my book and look.

I need to be more focused and planing oriented about my food. And to find something for lunch that satisfies but isn't high calorie. Any suggestions? I've been having soup but it is a .. what did my nurse call it? A slider food. I need something that is more satisfying long term. I'm not a fan of left overs.

I'm not feeling all that on track. Which I know for a newly banded person is not normal. This freaks me out a bit but it is the challenge with getting banded at holiday time and having no restriction. I just need to keep in mind that just because this is the way that it is does not mean that it is the way that it will always be. I have been doing well with walking so I am pleased with that. I need to get the eating more under control and have less crap food in my house. I need to work with my husband on that one too because he does a lot of the bringing crap into the house.

My son was sick today-- he had a fever and since he suffers from febrile seizures we didn't go anywhere, though we had planned to go to the fireworks at 6 PM. He was disappointed but there is always next year. Instead, we watched the Smurf movie-- it was great. Our other son just toddled around and William paid good attention throughout. So all and all, a reasonable day. Icy here- 5 people died on the roads in our state today, which is a high number. Very sad. So I was happy to stay home. My husband went to the dump with our youngest and the grocery store.. it had looked like it was just raining and not icy but he found out differently on the roads-- that it was slick. They got home safely and we spent the rest of the day inside. The weather kept me from going to the YMCA for Zumba, though (which I have not gone to in like 4 months-- one thing after another) but my commitment is to do it next week come hell or high water.

So, enough from me-- Happy New Year and best wishes for 2012!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Needing my first fill!

At this point, post-holiday, I need a fill. I have seen that having virtually no restriction is not a good thing for me. I have a fill the day after tomorrow.
I need help with my eating. I mean, part of me is just... disappointed that I haven't been able to eat less than I am currently eating. I hardly feel at all like I've had this surgery. I want to see some substantial weight loss. And I know that I need to be making better choices about my food, but this holiday crap has just been so hard to deal with. All kinds of good food everywhere.
Christmas was good. Busy, but good. I got a Nook :) I'm so pleased with that. I think my husband was disappointed that he didn't get anything super-cool but the kids had fun, it was good to visit with family, and it is over. All good things. I enjoy the holidays but routine is nice too. Particularly with eating. So tomorrow, back to the same old same old.
I think that I am going to take Wednesday off. I am earning a little extra cash in the afternoon as a contracted trainer but I don't want to drive an hour to work and then back down for my fill appointment and then to the training. So I think I am going to ask them tomorrow if it would be a problem for me to take the day off. We're between semesters so I am hopeful that it will be alright.
So I will update about my first fill. I'm excited. I'm sure it's going to be fairly pain free and then I will feel what this band can do! :)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Too much and not enough

So I've been eating too much of something and not doing enough other things.

Too much in the sweets department. What is going on? I am having the hardest time resisting crap food. But boy, it tastes soooooooooo good.  Today I ate two small pieces of something delish. It had almonds on top of some sort of creamy white stuff and that was on top of jelly and a bar/pie crust. Now, the sizes were an inch by 3/4 of an inch or something but still, I ate two. And then this afternoon I also ate something else bad for me. But I can't remember what it was. Go me. Blah. This has just been so tough with the holiday foods.

Of the not doing enough-- exercise. I did go for a walk today which was good. The second time I walked down to another office it was slippery as could be out because it had been raining/icing. So I didn't go for a full walk because likely, much of that time would have been flat on my back.

I may weigh myself tomorrow. I just really want to make some progress. I am assuming that it will be a tad easier once I have a fill. Which is a week from today. So I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Off to wrap some Christmas gifts!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Post- Op Check done

I ended up seeing my surgeon today for my post op. A week early but they asked me to come in and I was game for that. I'm down to 281.4 according to their scale.. which is about the same as mine from yesterday morning but with clothes on and in the AM (my appt was 3:45 PM). So, progress. Not a lot of it, but some. During the 5 minute "exam" the doctor determined 2 things. 1, he didn't leave much fluid in (which I knew cuz I am frequently hungry) and 2, I was allergic (or at least had an adverse reaction) to the glue they used to hold the holes together from the incision points. Which explains why they are all read and SUPER itchy.
I ran into a girl I went to high school with there. How awkward. But it was fine. She has a ton to tell me about her life. In true form for graduates from the school I went to, she couldn't be bothered to ask for a moment about my life. This is not the first time that has happened to me. Many are just utterly self-absorbed. I smiled, nodded, said nice things and walked out.
The sister of a girl I went to high school with posted on facebook she's having it done. I messaged her to tell her about my recent surgery. Not something I am posting on FB though! Perhaps some day but not at the onset. That is far too intimate a detail to share. I'm in the bander-closet, so to speak.
In food... um.. I am certainly hungry. I am not making the best food choices but I am doing the best I can. It is crap to get banded by the holidays but with no fluid. I mean, really. The only restriction I seem to feel is first thing in the morning after I have my protein shake. I think half of it is the air from the blended drink. But I have been doing the best I can. I am working on getting back to walking again. When it is 20 degrees out, it is hard to find motivation. Especially when the wind is blowing. But I did do a walk today and I am going to get back to twice a day. It makes me feel so much better and will kick up the loses. I mean, when I walk I lose about double the weight any given week. So, why am I not doing it? The first week after surgery I felt kinda drained walking. Today I felt fine but couldn't get a second one in as I had to leave for the hour drive to the doctor's appointment.
So Christmas is right around the corner. It is going to be a nice event I'm sure but I've got so much crap to take care of. Wrapping, mostly. We put up a tree but I could care less about decorations this year. My 1 year old would just try to play with them all and there is such a short amount of time before the holiday that I am not going to worry about it this year. Maybe next year.
Hmmm... other updates. Fantastically, I appear to have 6 followers now. I find that stellar.
Hmm... too much bad news lately. There is a 20 month old little girl missing in our state. It is just almost consuming me. I have a 15 month old. This makes me so sad. And I know the girl is probably dead and the family probably had something to do with it (most of the time that seems to be the case) and it is just... so tragically, unbelieveably sad. I need to get her off my mind but I can't seem to do that. I am going to do some books on tape and stuff in the car tomorrow. The world has so much bad news in it I just can't stand it. Human beings are just terrible to one another. It makes it hard to rejoice at the good news of Christmas. So I am going to turn off my radio and pop on a book on tape. Something fiction. Even if it's a murder mystery, as long as its fiction, I'm cool with that. No more bad news. Now if I can only get off of the newspaper websites. The little girl will remain my prayers, though.
So that is about it. I wish I had more time and motivation to write. But with 3 jobs and 2 kids, and the holiday right around the corner, times are busy. So if you celebrate, Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

1 Week Post-Op

So tonight I realized after supper that I am one week post op. This has been remarkably do-able in terms of pain and recovery. My stomach still feels kind of weird some times depending on what I eat. I'm not eating strictly mushes or whatever as I am supposed to be, but mostly. I'm chewing really really well. And no problems!

I do need to work on drinking the water a bit more. ::drinks some water:: I'm not having the starving new-bander syndrome yet. I guess with my doc, he fills you up to make sure all is well during the surgery, lets it come out to the natural stopping point, and caps it off then. So I have no idea how much is in my band, but it seems to be a reasonable amount.

It appears to be working. While I am not obsessing about the numbers on the scale I am enjoying watching them go down. I mean, it's nice and fun and feels good, so why not? So on days that I can remember to in the morning, I weigh in. I'm down to 282.6, I think. So, in about 3 lbs I will be at my highest weight watchers weigh-in weight. Ahhh... yup. Kinda sucks but, progress none the less. It means I've lost 28.4 lbs since September. Which isn't bad!

The incisions are healing up. Two of the little ones the tape has come off. I'm not hurrying that process along (they still look yucky) and only the port spot is the one that is sore. I'm still taking some pain meds-- not the narcotic, the acetaminophen or whatever it is.

I went back to work Monday. It wasn't fabulous because of the catch up work and feeling a little blah, but Tuesday was better and I went for a walk around campus. Usually I go twice a day. Once was definitely enough for me. Today was too busy for any walk and it rained most of the day so I didn't go.

I also had a Hershey kiss. Oops. That's a big fat lie. I had five Hershey's kisses. Yup. Three one time and then two later in the day. Damn. I knew I shouldn't and did it anyway. However, I did eat a lot fewer than I wanted to so I showed some amount of self control. A limited amount but like a muscle, flex it, use it and it shall grow. I need me some more will power. Practice. Practice. This is what I am telling myself.

I also saw a really morbidly obese student today. He looked so uncomfortable even holding his phone up to his ear. Last weekend we went out to dinner with friends (I had soup and a few bites of toasted bread chewed very well) and one of our friends is pretty big. He had trouble sitting in the booth. Now I had that problem when fat and pregnant, but not when not expecting a baby soon. I felt bad. I know how uncomfortable it is to be me sometimes, I can't imagine that kind of humiliation and discomfort. It was reaffirming to me about my band. I have to look for these things along the way to remind me about why it is important to make those different eating choices.

::sigh:: Okay... busy week with in-laws visiting this weekend to celebrate my son turning four. One of my two fabulous sons :) So lots to do and probably not enough time to do it. Such it life.......... best wishes for a fantastic week!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Dull Saturday Night

So I'm still recovering... feeling somewhat close to normal except that I slept funny and got a kink in my left shoulder and neck, and the resulting pain is about an 8 when I turn my head. Worse than the incision area, that's for sure.
My 4 year old (or soon to be- 2 days and counting!) was super hyper all day today. Not sure what got into him. On top of the hyper-activeness, my husband pissed me off. Didn't want to take me to our Church fair this morning. Which I always go to. So I was annoyed. He told me I could go and take the kids if I wanted. I explained in a fairly sharp tone of voice that no, I couldn't drive and certainly not with the kids in the car. What an ass. Most days he's a reasonable guy and a good husband. Today, not so much. He doesn't like my church and so he's a jerk about anything related to it. I'm pissed but moving on. Maybe. He needs to get his head out of his butt on this one.
I am the Sunday School Administrator at church. It brings in about $400 extra a month for us to work on paying down debt. So he could be a little nicer about it all. But whatever. I'm feeling rather resentful.
Today I picked up the living room, did a load of dishes (put away and put a new load in the dishwasher) and did 2 loads of laundry. Friends of ours are coming over tomorrow and so I'd like the place to look reasonable. Husband vacuumed but that was it. Oh, and got irritated when I asked him to bring down a basket of clothes and a bunch of stuff that I had earlier picked up outside (before a snow storm so his tools wouldn't get ruined) and had left on our table for him to bring downstairs. It's only been 2-3 weeks since that happened. BLAH. I don't mind doing most of the housework. But when I ask you to do something, do it and don't bitch about it. And hey, I did just have surgery three days ago. Perhaps you could chip in a little extra effort? I know it was surgery by choice but still, you could help pick up the slack.
To be fair, he finished installing the heat in our basement. So this is good. Tonight I will not need 5-6 blankets. But I still would like some more help around the house.
I'm planning on not taking any narcotics tomorrow and driving to church. The pain is mostly abated so we will see how it goes. I hope this damn kink in my neck is gone by morning! What a small life I lead :)

Friday, December 2, 2011

So recovery is going okay. I feel like the gas pain from the inflating of my belly is not that much fun... but I also think my stomach is not happy either with something I ate (a pill? yogurt?) or has some heartburn. It's hard for me to figure out which.
I have gotten more sleep in the past 2 days than I have in years. It has been very nice. The pain medication has helped me to do that because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to get as much sleep without a relaxer or whatever. I am overdue for this kind for this kind of sleep, though. I am busy ALL THE TIME.  Not in a bad way, in a making-extra-money-to-pay-off-debt way, but it still doesn't allow for me to do things like sleep a lot extra or spend time reading. Anywho....
I did get on the scale this morning. It hurt to bend over (not as badly as I expected, though) and I keep mine in a closet because we have a teeny bathroom, so I got it out and weighed myself. 285.6. Not bad! Well, not great but it was the lowest weight I've seen since before i was pregnant with my 1-y.o. son. When I decided to do weight-watchers in 2003, my highest weight then was 279.8. I lost 85 lbs... and gained it all back plus some (pregnancy, quitting smoking, emotional eating). So getting back down under that number will be great. And I'm not far away!
So that is it for now. I'm really getting into a lot of your blogs. There are some fabulous women on here. Cheers!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I'm Banded!!!!!

Alright folks, it's done! I became a Bandster yesterday! And today is going okay. I'm feeling reasonably (the gas they use to inflate your belly isn't that much fun, now is it?). I've been drinking just fine, nothing weird or funny feeling, and I've eaten a couple of times-- some greek yogurt then some cheese (melted then blended, blah blah blah). It went down okay. I didn't finish the yogurt. About 1/2 way through I thought... hmm.. am I full? That's weird. Prior to the yogurt I had been SO HUNGRY. I hadn't eaten in 2 days so even though I had the band done, I was ready to eat. I was nervous about it... worried about throwing up, etc. But nothing. Yay!
My weigh in at the surgery center was 286.2. I think that is a little low because I couldn't drink that day (and I was weighed in around 11:30 AM). I hope to see it go down more soon though. So it is a reasonable start from my highest weight of 311. A 25 lb loss prior to the surgery is not bad!
Dealing with the kiddos has been a little tough. My 4 year old doesn't really know what's going on. He wouldn't know to not tell everyone and their brother, so I've been fairly vague about why I am stiff/sore/etc. My younger son, who is 1, has no knowledge of course except that I'm not spending any time picking him up and holding him. I quickly picked him up this morning to get him changed before my husband brought them to daycare. That hurt a bit but I expect over the next couple of days that will get better.
Oh, and one other good thing-- my blood pressure has been really low the last couple of checks. Not scary low or anything, but 92/78 and such.. I've always had lower blood pressure and then as my weight crept up, it went up. Now that I am exercising regularly and have lost 25 lbs, it seems to be better. I'm glad for this as strokes run in my family.
So there we have it. I'm banded... wohooo!!!

Question: Can anyone help me put a ticker on my blog? I can't seem to use the ticker factory's on here!