So I completely forgot about my scheduled fill appointment for Monday. I was driving to work, had the epiphany that I was driving the wrong direction and was going north on the highway instead of the half hour south, and realized this about 4 minutes after my appointment should have began when I was about 45 minutes away from the office. I called, they were surprisingly nice, and I rescheduled for tomorrow. Which brings me to... tomorrow. I'm not sure whether or not I need a fill. I'm kind of thinking a half fill? I still get hungry quickly and I don't feel full after eating a cup of food. I'm monitoring my calories but ... I'm getting caught some. And I know I should be avoiding some foods (i.e. bread and dry-ish chicken) so I am doing some behavior modification but I still am not sure whether or not I should get a fill. I think I will ask for half a one. I think I've lost 5-6 lbs this month so I've made a bit of progress, but I feel like I should be doing more. So... we'll see. I'll update. Any advice is welcome!

I seriously need some motivation.

I just logged into My Fitness Pal. It said that I "have not logged in for a week. She might need some encouragement." Ha. I didn't know it did that. Fun fun.

Anyhow, I am eating everything in sight. No restriction. I'm starting to feel like I am not going to get any? Food gets stuck but I am not feeling like I am full after eating a cup of food. I hate feeling stuck. I have to slow down. I have in the back of my mind that when you are too tight you can damage your esophagus and, because you eat sliders, even gain weight. I am not having heartburn but dinner gets stuck often. I know, part of it is eating too fast and part of it is food choices. Anyhoo, I weighed in on Friday and I was not happy with the number. 267, if I recall correctly. I am going to weigh in tomorrow and see how badly this weekend hurt. I ate like crap today. I don't know what it is. I am stressed out, and I know that, and I have to stop thinking I can eat the stress away. I just ... I'm not sure that my job is for me, and I miss my old line of work, and we're putting the house on the market, and I'm not sure how financing for a new house is going to go, and I really want one certain house but we may not be able to buy it in time, and the kids have been sick, and Lucas has been cranky and not eating well (the irony) and I need a break.

The good: I took a walk today.

The bad: I ate two large handfuls chocolate chips today, some crappy whale crackers, drank wine, and had bread. I just finished up a snack of multi-grain cheerios.

Alright. It is late and I need sleep most of all. Good night. And wish me luck as I get back on track. Which I will do, starting now.

Pick up the "pen" so to speak

I've got to keep blogging. It helps me to refocus. A huge benefit.

News:

2nd fill was on Wednesday. I did not make my ten lb weight loss goal for the month, but I am almost there. I weighed in this morning at 270.4. So that's fantastic. Total loss: 40 lbs, counting from highest weight. Making progress, step by step.

Other, more exciting news: We may be selling our house and buying a new one. So this thrills me beyond belief. And buying a 5 bedroom, at that! I know, crazy! But it is a great price and a mile from work and I can't believe how much I like it. We'll see. We'd to a lease purchase agreement with the sellers. I'm thrilled. We have a realtor looking at our house Monday. We hope to be able to walk away selling it for what we owe. I'm praying for it, actually. That would be the deciding factor.

So that is the big news. Tracking food most days. Targeting for 1000 calories. I asked at my fill. I can't imagine only eating a thousand calories on most days. But I'm trying it. Was in at 1100 today. Not terrible. Workin' it!