Wednesday, May 25, 2011


My case is on hold right now. For lapband or gastric. And I gained weight even though I did a pretty good job with eating and writing down my food.
On Saturday my husband made brownies. And that set me off. And then I got my period. And that set me off. And I am losing my job in a week. And that sets me off. And I am trying to not be too hard on myself but it is not a great time for me right now. I am ready for a change. My in-laws are coming this weekend for my son's baptism. STRESS. And the weather has been crap. And I have a laundry list of displeasure.
Most of all I feel like I am eating in a fashion that is not good for me but is hard to get a handle on. I ended up going out to lunch yesterday and that was a hard thing to do... I hadn't planned on it, was broke, and spent my menu-perusing time looking for the cheapest food on the menu (about $10 which isn't cheap for a sandwich/fries). I didn't even think about healthy, really.  And last night I did some late night eating with some peanut butter. Good times. AHHHHHHHHHH. Feeling out of control!
I am so upset about my case being put on hold. It feels pointless to try and lose now. I know that it is not. I met with the nutritionist on Tuesday and waited a half hour for her to see me. And then she was not very impressive at all. I found her so annoying and I wasn't that nice to her. I really wasn't. It was tense. I don't f*ing need someone to tell me how to eat. I know what and how much I SHOULD eat- I just am not able to follow through on that. But it is not for lack of knowledge. I felt like she was rather condescending and I was so not impressed. And making menus out for what you are going to eat several months from now? "What do you think you'll want to have for a snack?" Who knows? It is in several months! I know how to read a menu, I don't need to role-play with you about how to eat. I was just really cranky at her. I could not have been less impressed. I hope to not see her again. BLAH.
I am really just not in a great space right now.

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