Friday, June 10, 2011

Part of the reason that I have not written in a while is because I am on hold with my surgery because I no longer have health care. Fabulous, huh? Well, that is what happens when you get laid off.

This first week of being unemployed was fairly busy. Part of me has an uneasy feeling, though, and I just want to be re-insured, get this process going again. I have done everything but lose 15 lbs, have a sonogram of my gallbladder, meet with the surgeon and set a date. Oh, and decide which surgery I'm having.

Yeah, I still haven't done that. I am not sure which to do. I really cannot figure out what I want. I am leaning towards lapband. It is so hard to decide. I wish that I knew what was right for me but I don't know and this trying to figure it out is tough stuff.

I am so ... displeased .. about not having health insurance and not being able to move forward with this. I may have it in a couple of weeks if I should be selected for a temporary job that will soon be available. It would be the same insurance that I had before so I know that I would be covered, not have to jump through crazy hoops, etc.

I have not been working on losing weight. I haven't weighed myself in a week or so. When I did the last time I was at my same weight. Considering the stress of losing my job, that is not the worst thing in the world. I am finding grace and patience in losing my job but it still leaves me a bit uneasy.

Every night I pray with my 3.5 year old as we snuggle before bed. We do prayers then and I often find myself not doing my own prayers. So last night I took the time to pray and today, I got a good phone call about contracting for a position. It would be short term but in addition to another contracted position I was offered, it would make life manageable and I would be able to keep my kids in daycare. So from this I am reminded to have faith. And that was essentially what I prayed about last night. That god's will would be done and that I knew that we would be taken care of even though I had lost my job. And so I am thankful, yet again, to God today.

I am not a hugely religious person but I find that when I keep God in my every day, my days are better. Perhaps it is mindfulness, karma, or being more deliberate, but whatever the case may be, life is better with God in it.

So I will stay in this holding pattern until I get health insurance. I am going to work on losing weight. I missed the last two weeks of zumba and haven't been to the YMCA. That has GOT to change. Starting in the morning... get this show on the road, right?

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