Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Thinking This Through

So tonight I ate the house. Yep, pretty much. Easter candy, chips/sour cream. I didn't eat well all day and at dinner tonight we didn't have a veggie (we always have a veggie except pizza night). The kids have been sick and I just didn't want to cook one tonight. I don't know. Anyhow, I ate like crap. And a minute ago I was about to go to bed. But then I thought about it and I felt the need to blog it. Not because I needed to tell someone (no one is reading this anyway) but because I needed to think it through.
So why did I eat like this?
  • I am tired
  • I was bored
  • I was hungry
  • There were not a lot of good food choices that I was interested in
  • I was wanting to be satisfied
  • I am stressed about work and the fact that I am probably losing my job in 2 months and I have no f*ing way to support my kids without the job. If I get unemployment, even at the top tier of it, I will make less than half of what I make now. Which will not pay the bills. I have a master's degree. THIS is not supposed to happen. 
Okay... so there are some reasons. And the food was there. Which is a big mistake. I need to not have crap in the house because then I will eat it. Blah. Which I did and now I feel like crap myself.
So tomorrow is a new day. But my clothes (PJs) feel tight and gross and I ... just want to get weighed and start losing weight towards the surgery and get a move-on on the surgery. I walked out to the mailbox today to get the mail- and nothing. I should be getting a letter here soon with the next instructions. But it did not arrive today and I am not pleased about that either. I am needing to feel like I am moving forward and making progress so that I can calm myself about wanting to get out of my skin. I hate my body right now. I have never been this big in my life. I know I had a baby about 6 months ago, but this is just too much for me. I need to make some progress soon. And to do that I need to get weighed at the program and then I can start working on losing the 15 lbs or whatever that I need to lose. I am feeling trapped without knowing the next steps and when I can take them. UGH.
Okay, so that about covers it, I think. ::sigh::
I repeat: Tomorrow is a new day.

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