Rejected... but not really.

So today I went to my mailbox (not a common occurrence as I only seem to get crap mail) to check and see if I would get a letter stating the next steps for me in this Lap-band process. I open up the mailbox, and among all the junk, there it is: a letter from the program. I open it up and quickly read... getting to the line that says "At this time you do not meet the criteria of our program" and then I am taken aback. I continue reading... "Although your BMI is 48...."

They rejected me because I do not have co-morbid conditions and they thought I had state-sponsored health insurance. I don't. I have private insurance. So they screwed up.

I called, left a message, got a call back and she said they would now really take a look at my file because they only did a once-over when they thought I had different insurance.

Hmmmm....okay... They will take a few days to review my file and then they will send me some more information on taking the next steps. I really want this process to get a move on. I am tired of waiting. It took me so long to get to the point where I felt like this was a route that I wanted to take. So I am there now. I am ready.

And tonight I ate a ton. I don't do that usually but my husband is a grump-face and I am tired and stressed out as my job may be ending in a few weeks (6) and I have a mortgage and a ton of bills that I am barely paying now. So I think the stress is ... not that much fun. And I was putting some cheese in my mouth tonight and I am thinking at the time "I'm not hungry, why I am I doing this?" and in it went anyway. And so did granola with yogurt and an apple. Impressive.

Oh well. Guilt won't get me anywhere.

I had some photos sent to me the other day that I am in. And I looked at my leg in one of them and my thigh looked like a giant tree trunk. And that grosses me out and pisses me off and I am just so done. So recieving the "you're fat but we're not going to help you" letter was discouraging, even though it was wrong.

So I am tired now. Hopefully grump-face will be reasonable about getting some things done around on his day off tomorrow. It is not like a day off is a frickin holiday. But alas, that is beyond the scope of this blog.